Oh My God Yes Peter Thats Not Funny

Family unit Guy (Idiot box Series)

Tea Peter (2012)

Glenn Quagmire : Hey you ever accidentally masturbate to young pictures of your mom?

Peter Griffin : Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat down.

Peter Griffin : Carter? Oh hey. You're involved with the Tea Party? Wait a minute. This is what Brian was warning me about: that the Tea Party is run by rich guys who are only out for themselves.

Carter Pewterschmidt : Brian? You lot mean that arrogant, unemployed domestic dog of yours? Peter, he'southward just one of those liberal elites who spreads lies and hates patriots.

Peter Griffin : Yeah, he kinda is.

Stewie Griffin : Not to warning anyone but a guy took me into the closet to try me on. I fit by the way.

Tea Party Rally Speaker : Welcome, anybody! Information technology's smashing to see then many regular people out here. Folks who are tired of big government and are prepare to stand up up for their rights.

Tea Party Member : Yes!

Tea Party Fellow member : Downwardly with the Spend-o-crats!

Peter Griffin : Nosotros are Marshall!

Joe Swanson : Boy, they're really confronting socialism.

Peter Griffin : That'due south right. The Tea Party is all about self-reliance. Await, at that place's even a Tunnel of Self-Dear.

[as customers enter the ride, they're each given a copy of Playboy magazine]

Ride Attendant : [to a customer coming out] Would you like to buy a photo of yourself on the ride, sir?

Male Customer : No, I would not.

Carter Pewterschmidt : All right, now, remember, the Tea Political party is a grassroots movement. We're not covered by the lamestream media, so we gotta reach out to the common homo individually.

Peter Griffin : Correct, common human.

[he dials a phone number]

Woman on Phone : [picking upwards] Hello?

Peter Griffin : Aw, jeez, it'due south... it's a daughter.

[Carter shakes his head in disapproval]

Peter Griffin : May I speak to the man of the business firm?

Woman on Phone : This is the woman of the business firm, and at that place is no man living here.

Peter Griffin : No? W-W-What is... I-I... how are you paying for this phone?

Adult female on Phone : I'1000 a lawyer.

Peter Griffin : Oh, I see, and are you in your piffling courthouse correct at present representing Barbie?

[she hangs up]

Peter Griffin : Okay, one vote for the Tea Party.

Carter Pewterschmidt : All right, kiss government farewell.

Peter Griffin : Yes, I can't expect to fire all them city employees, starting with that one-half-asleep construction worker.

[cutting to him in traffic budgeted construction on the sidewalk; the worker holds upward a end sign while simultaneously waving him forward]

Peter Griffin : What the hell? W-W-Which one is information technology, stop or get forwards? This is a big deal. They're non at all similar.

[the worker turns his sign around, which reads "slow"]

Peter Griffin : Ah, no, no, no, no. Yous, sir, accept lost my business.

[he gets out of the car and walks abroad]

Carter Pewterschmidt : You and I are both businessmen who work hard and pay taxes. Except that I brand 10,000 times what you lot brand.

Peter Griffin : Yeah, we're the same, y'all and me.

Carter Pewterschmidt : You lot know, Peter, the truth is, I could really apply a regular guy like you to help get our bulletin out, and I know Joe Workingman agrees with me.

[putting on his difficult hat with a simulated wig]

Carter Pewterschmidt : Love to have y'all on board, Peter.

Peter Griffin : Wow, thanks, Joe. Y'all can count on me.

[Carter takes the disguise off]

Peter Griffin : Aw, Carter, you but missed Joe Workingman.

Carter Pewterschmidt : [tickled laugh] Oh, I recall he'll know I was here.

[he starts laughing diabolically, and Peter joins in nervously]

Peter Griffin : I'm not sure what'southward happening.

Brian Griffin : The Tea Political party isn't the grassroots movement y'all think it is. It's actually funded by large-business types who are using you lot to go the authorities out of their way so they can roll over everyone.

Stewie Griffin : Mom held hands with a woman at the gas station this forenoon. Don't know what that ways. Just reporting information technology.

Brian Griffin : All I'yard proverb is you're being used and you're as well clueless to know it.

Peter Griffin : Boy, you lot simply call back y'all're and then superior, don't yous? Like that first beast to walk on dry out land.

[cutaway]

Fish #1 : Hey, where'd yous get?

Second Creature : Ah, I went for a jog.

Fish #ane : What's a jog?

Second Animate being : It'due south a great way to stay in shape is what information technology is.

Fish #3 : Is it like a swim?

2nd Creature : [condescening express joy] No, no, it's, it'south nothing like a swim.

Peter Griffin : Wow, a lot of people hither today.

Glenn Quagmire : Yeah. Human, I dearest street fairs. They got rides, games, and ethic nutrient cooked horribly by white Americans.

Taco Lover #2 : [with a thick Bostonian emphasis] Tack-bone! Hot tack-bone here!

Taco Lover : Oh, are those tack-os?

Taco Lover #2 : You lot improve believe they're tack-bone.

Taco Lover : I honey tack-bone! Specially on a corn tor-till-uh.

Taco Lover #2 : Oh! I dearest tack-os on a corn tor-till-uh!

Lois Griffin : Oh, howdy, Peter. How was your rally?

Peter Griffin : Oh, it was great, and now I know it's the correct crusade to get backside 'cause a smart guy similar your dad is involved.

Brian Griffin : What? Carter was at the Tea Political party rally?

Peter Griffin : Yeah, he was running the whole thing.

Brian Griffin : Peter, what did I tell you about rich guys?

Peter Griffin : Look, I know what you're thinking, Brian, but don't worry. Information technology's all okay. Turns out you're the enemy. They're the ones who are on our side.

Brian Griffin : [sarcastic] Oh, of course, Carter Pewterschmidt, an industrialist with oil refineries in this metropolis, is on your side. He wants to go rid of environmental regulations for you lot.

Stewie Griffin : Brian, he doesn't get sarcasm.

Peter Griffin : No, information technology's not only environmental regulations, Brian. Carter wants to become rid of the whole city government of Quahog. He even put me in accuse of the PR campaign to do it.

Lois Griffin : Go rid of the authorities? Peter, if I know my dad, he'due south probably using you.

Peter Griffin : Lois, I'k so glad you've done the dishes so that you can hang out and chime in on this.

Lois Griffin : Actually, Peter, I haven't washed the dishes.

Peter Griffin : Oh, you lot haven't? Well, then, I'grand confused.

Stewie Griffin : Oh, he does get sarcasm.

Peter Griffin : Hi, there. May I help y'all folks?

Peter's Customer : Aye, my family and I would like our portrait painted.

Peter Griffin : Well, you lot came to the correct place.

[he reveals an easel and painting supplies]

Peter Griffin : [a few minutes later] Looking practiced. Almost done. And... in that location. Done.

[showing them the finished painting, they run across the male parent and son sitting unremarkably, with the wife and girl in their underwear kissing]

Peter'due south Client : What take you done?

Peter Griffin : I painted the truth. I painted my truth.

Tea Party Rally Speaker : And at present, it's my privilege to introduce some other regular, blue-collar guy, our Quahog affiliate spokesman, Joe Workingman!

Carter Pewterschmidt : [with an manifestly bad disguise] Skillful afternoon, friends and socioeconomic equals! Is anyone else out there sick of government crap?

Peter Griffin : [equally the oversupply cheers] Oh, my God. It'south like he's proverb everything I'grand listening to.

Carter Pewterschmidt : That'southward correct. The government wants to tell you what foods to swallow.

[boos]

Carter Pewterschmidt : And what church you tin can go to.

[more boos]

Carter Pewterschmidt : And that you tin't own a chimpanzee considering you're not responsible enough.

Peter Griffin : [more boos] I would feed it!

Carter Pewterschmidt : Also, the government wants to tell y'all how many children you tin can accept.

John Herbert : [mortified] What? No!

Carter Pewterschmidt : And the government wants to tell you you tin't throw your quondam TVs into the river.

Conseula : Then how I supposed to find Tv?

Carter Pewterschmidt : If you bring together the Tea Political party, together, nosotros can fix all that. Simply you lot probably don't wanna join the Tea Party because all yous get are these stupid, awesome keychains!

Joe Swanson : [subsequently a spoken language from "Joe Workingman"] I got to say, that guy made a lot of sense.

Glenn Quagmire : He certain did. The authorities'due south really gotten out of hand.

Peter Griffin : Yeah, those bastards have ruined everything. The same way the Village People ruined any gathering of a cop, an Indian chief, and a construction worker.

Peter Griffin : What do you call up, mom, is that the about beautiful bride yous've e'er seen?

Helpmate : I love it!

Bride's Mother : Oh, information technology's just and so much money.

Peter Griffin : It's true. It's true. Take the dress off, sweetheart. Your female parent says you can't have information technology.

Bride's Mother : Westward-Wait, wait, wait a infinitesimal. Do you really love it?

Bride : I exercise. It merely feels like my nuptials dress.

Peter Griffin : Oh, mom, she loves it.

Helpmate'due south Mother : Okay. We'll accept it.

Lois Griffin : [coming downstairs] Peter, what is that girl doing in my wedding wearing apparel?

Peter Griffin : [itch under the wearing apparel's hem] She gone?

Bride : No.

Peter Griffin : Okay, well, while I'm down here, let me give you my carte du jour. There you go.

Peter Griffin : Oh, hey, Joe. What'south going on?

Joe Swanson : Peter, I'm afraid I'm hither to shut y'all downward. You're running an unlicensed business concern, and that's against the police.

Peter Griffin : Aw, that is such bullcrap.

Joe Swanson : Well, you can't fight Metropolis Hall.

Peter Griffin : Oh, we'll see about that!

[leaving and coming dorsum beaten upwards]

Peter Griffin : City Hall knows karate.

Peter Griffin : Watch out there, Brian. Looks like the floor is wet.

Alan : [passing by] Alibi me. I'm kind of in a hurry.

[slipping on the water puddle]

Alan : Ahhh! Son of a bowwow!

Peter Griffin : Oh, my God! Are you okay?

Alan : I'm sad. I've been a bit distracted lately. I think my wife has been crossing the street with another human.

Alan's Married woman : [outside, crossing the street with some other generic-sign figure] God, I hope Alan doesn't discover out.

Lois Griffin : Peter, what are you lot doing?

Peter Griffin : I'm just puttin' up my new sign.

Lois Griffin : Don't put that thing on our door. If you want to hang it somewhere, hang it in the basement.

Peter Griffin : Oh, why? So yous tin hog it while you're doing laundry? No way.

Lois Griffin : Peter, we're not a business.

Peter's Client : [coming in] Hey, I saw your sign. So, you're open?

Peter Griffin : That's right.

Peter'southward Customer : What exercise you do?

Peter Griffin : What do y'all need?

Peter's Customer : Milk.

Peter Griffin : We have milk.

Peter Griffin : Good Tea Party morning, everyone!

Brian Griffin : Peter, yous joined the Tea Political party?

Peter Griffin : That's right, Brian. I finally got something better to practice with my Saturdays than sit at the mall and lookout Japanese girls laugh at normal conversation.

Peter Griffin : Hey, Mort, what's this matter?

Mort Goldman : Oh, that? That's my "Come up in! We're open" sign.

Peter Griffin : What's that, similar an iPad?

Mort Goldman : No, information technology'south a sign.

Peter Griffin : Wish I had one of those.

Mort Goldman : I've got a whole box of 'em. Take it. Information technology's yours. No charge.

Peter Griffin : Ugh, typical Jew.

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2040798/characters/nm0532235